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Submitted on
August 17, 2012
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What is wrong, what's my problem?
tell me what to do, I need some help from you.

Just let go, it's my problem.
Nothing you can say, will make me feel ok.

Get out leave me alone,
not searching for another home and

I, don't think it's gonna work.
The help you think you offer me.
Don't think it's gonna work
Why can't you see what I see.
Don't think it's gonna work,
you'll never fix me.

Please give up, just stop trying.
It's just who I am, you don't understand.

Leave me here, stop the lying.
Like this I am fine, have been all this time.

Get out leave me alone,
not searching for another home and

I, don't think it's gonna work.
The help you think you offer me.
Don't think it's gonna work
Why can't you see what I see.
Don't think it's gonna work,
you'll never fix me.

You can't help me, you won't change me
the way that I feel, what I feel is real.
You can't fix me I'm not broken
I'm just addicted to the steel.

Get out leave me alone,
not searching for another home and

I, don't think it's gonna work.
The help you think you offer me.
Don't think it's gonna work
Why can't you see what I see.
Don't think it's gonna work,
you'll never fix me.
Something I wrote.
:iconwishingunderthatstar:
WishingUnderThatStar Featured By Owner Sep 5, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Commenting on this piece due to being your partner at #TheWritersExchange.
I don't know much about lyrics but I'll try my best.

Briefly, I would like to point out the punctuation and presentation. Things like lack of capitalisation and missing question marks are minor but it's always good to keep on top of things.
In terms of presentation, I'm talking about verses and bridges etc. I think it would help if you identify what's what and group it together so that it flows well. Visually, it looks too scattered, like a trail of breadcrumbs.

Although I hated Music in High school, I learned a few things about song writing. The first being that it's like making a house out of cards: start from the bottom and build your way up to the top.
:pointr: What is the tone? What emotions are you trying to evoke?
:pointr: What's the story?
:pointr: What kind of imagery is being used?

At the moment, I'm struggling to answer any of those questions.
I don't understand why the first two lines are saying "I need help" but then the rest of it is saying "I don't need help". What is it in reference to? It's just all very vague.

I think an explanation of what you were going for would be very helpful, to be honest. I'm totally at sea on how to improve it because it revolves around your thought process and your goals which you've kept very close to your chest. Without knowing that, I'm stuck.
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