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Would you notice?
Would you care
would you feel alone
If I were no longer there?

Should be searching
Could I find
A road to follow
To get some peace of mind.

Take me home,
lead the way,
without a word to say.
Follow the moon,
or the sun.
Will I ever come,
to a place where I belong.

Could you tell me,
who to be.
just who is this girl
I'm on lock and there's no key.

I feel alone,
I feel lost.
Will I stay like this,
Forever, always last.

Take me home,
lead the way,
without a word to say.
Follow the moon,
or the sun.
Will I ever come,
to a place where I belong.

Trying so hard to be someone I'm not,
I'm slowly forgetting who I was.
And I'm forgetting who I am,
I just don't understand.

Take me home,
lead the way,
without a word to say.
Follow the moon,
or the sun.
Will I ever come,
to a place where I belong.
Take me there,
Take me home.
I don't know if this is any good, since I wrote it pretty fast just now.
But I had to get some stuff out. Hope you'll like it.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconstarija:
Starija Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Student Writer
i like how much of a song this sounds like, and the rhythm and structure of it.
Reply
:iconisasongs:
isasongs Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
And also thanks for the fav.
Reply
:iconexactlywhatiseem:
exactlywhatiseem Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012
I like how it feels as if you followed a thought process. The repetition, though lengthy, adds to the appeal without being overbearing.

However, there are some parts where the flow is interrupted. "without a word to say" just seems awkward. I believe it's the disproportionate syllable count (3 3 6 4 3 5 in the chorus). There are other parts where this occurs, but those are built up to a bit more. "I'm on lock and there's no key" doesn't have anything to do with the rest of the imagery- perhaps be more aware of lines like this.
Reply
:iconlovespoon:
Lovespoon Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Professional Writer
It had a lot of universal appeal.

:love:
:teddy:
Reply
:iconromeolives:
RomeoLives Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It speaks to me. I like it!
It reminds me of someone I know.

Thank you for posting it :)
Reply
:iconisasongs:
isasongs Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad you like it!
Reply
:iconromeolives:
RomeoLives Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
Reply
:iconanimay813:
Animay813 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Student General Artist
It's really good I like it. :D
Reply
:iconisasongs:
isasongs Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :D
Reply
:iconanimay813:
Animay813 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Student General Artist
ur very welcome :D
Reply
:iconanthropomorphiccanin:
anthropomorphiccanin Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Student Digital Artist
beautiful! you must some day put this to music!

i feel you :)

the sun is the most bright and divine of all the fate stars, yet the closer you get to his purity the more you burn

the moon is a vague and flighty mistress. but her hand is cool on your sun-burnt brow and her smile gentle.

theyre hard to follow, since they never stay in one place long enough for you to catch up, But I Guess That Is Life

i hope you find their beautifully lit road :)
Reply
:iconisasongs:
isasongs Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I hope so too, some day maybe.

Also thanks for the fav.
Reply
:iconle-chippy123:
Le-Chippy123 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I really like this<3
It flows really well and everything
Reply
:iconisasongs:
isasongs Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks, also thanks for the watch ;)
Reply
:iconle-chippy123:
Le-Chippy123 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Heheh, no problem. I read your other stuff and you're really good :)
Reply
:iconisasongs:
isasongs Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks...
Reply
:iconkururuslover:
KururusLover Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Very touching poem! I love it. :heart:

You just seemed to lose your rhyming pattern in the third stanza. Your pattern was ABCB, but that changed into ABB and it just seemed to cannonball all over the place after that. Stick to one pattern and follow through with that. :)
Reply
:iconisasongs:
isasongs Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yeah, kinda felt like I should've payed more attention to it.
But eh, I'll try that next time ;)

Thanks tho! also for the fav.
Reply
:iconkururuslover:
KururusLover Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No problemo~! Always happy to help a fellow writer.
Reply
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