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Submitted on
August 6, 2012
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1.2 KB
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Views
318
Favourites
22 (who?)
Comments
19
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Would you notice?
Would you care
would you feel alone
If I were no longer there?

Should be searching
Could I find
A road to follow
To get some peace of mind.

Take me home,
lead the way,
without a word to say.
Follow the moon,
or the sun.
Will I ever come,
to a place where I belong.

Could you tell me,
who to be.
just who is this girl
I'm on lock and there's no key.

I feel alone,
I feel lost.
Will I stay like this,
Forever, always last.

Take me home,
lead the way,
without a word to say.
Follow the moon,
or the sun.
Will I ever come,
to a place where I belong.

Trying so hard to be someone I'm not,
I'm slowly forgetting who I was.
And I'm forgetting who I am,
I just don't understand.

Take me home,
lead the way,
without a word to say.
Follow the moon,
or the sun.
Will I ever come,
to a place where I belong.
Take me there,
Take me home.
I don't know if this is any good, since I wrote it pretty fast just now.
But I had to get some stuff out. Hope you'll like it.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconstarija:
Starija Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Student Writer
i like how much of a song this sounds like, and the rhythm and structure of it.
Reply
:iconisasongs:
isasongs Featured By Owner Oct 22, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks!
And also thanks for the fav.
Reply
:iconexactlywhatiseem:
exactlywhatiseem Featured By Owner Aug 8, 2012
I like how it feels as if you followed a thought process. The repetition, though lengthy, adds to the appeal without being overbearing.

However, there are some parts where the flow is interrupted. "without a word to say" just seems awkward. I believe it's the disproportionate syllable count (3 3 6 4 3 5 in the chorus). There are other parts where this occurs, but those are built up to a bit more. "I'm on lock and there's no key" doesn't have anything to do with the rest of the imagery- perhaps be more aware of lines like this.
Reply
:iconlovespoon:
Lovespoon Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Professional Writer
It had a lot of universal appeal.

:love:
:teddy:
Reply
:iconromeolives:
RomeoLives Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
It speaks to me. I like it!
It reminds me of someone I know.

Thank you for posting it :)
Reply
:iconisasongs:
isasongs Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm glad you like it!
Reply
:iconromeolives:
RomeoLives Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
:)
Reply
:iconanimay813:
Animay813 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Student General Artist
It's really good I like it. :D
Reply
:iconisasongs:
isasongs Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks :D
Reply
:iconanimay813:
Animay813 Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2012  Student General Artist
ur very welcome :D
Reply
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